Pop and lock it like a prostitute. That will be the most amazing thing ever said at a Point Loma event.

My fashion show was yesterday, and the entire thing seems like a crazy blur now. I somehow got everything finished, but an hour before the show. Yesterday involved a lot of stress, no sleep, smashing a dress with a hammer, and falling off the stage in 5 inch stilettos. I'm feeling that fall in my lower back today. The best part about the night though was seeing all my girls grow as friends, having a blast goofing off and being themselves. It was also a huge blessing to have so many of my friends come to support me. Dana really outdid herself on the event, Culy warehouse is a fabulous venue. Shelly made amazing red velvet cupcakes and we danced the night away. Today I have to go back to work, but thankfully much later than I normally do. I feel like I've been hit by a bus after the marathon that was the last week, but it was all worth it. Most of my pictures turned out blurry, but as a whole, everything was amazing.

I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well

It's the eve of another fashion show, and I'm stressed out as normal trying to get things done. My dreams are often bigger than my time allows, especially two days before. I should have finished weeks ago, but unfortunately it seems I can only function under extreme pressure and time crunch.

I've decided it's just the nature of the artistic beast. Doing conventional design just doesn't fly with me most of the time, and some of my best stuff comes to me at 2am when I'm digging through fabrics and wrapping them around myself to get ideas.

I have three major gowns to make still, and a few less complicated pieces I would like to get done. Nothing like flying by the seat of your pants.

Which one will you be, the black or the white?

Sometimes people change.

Sometimes so much that there's nothing left of what there was before.

We are not genius, but we have genius

Some days just read like a post out of failblog.

Other days you go to Denny's with wet hair, then spend your morning with no power, singing along to 30h3 while your roommates drink beer and color in Disney princess coloring books.

I paint my fingernails coral fusion pink and get it all over my face.

We walk to grocery stores with our eco-friendly Luna crossbody bags and bird watch and see secret passageways through trees.

Late nights and tea and talking and Dashboard playing through the stereo.

Vindicated always makes me slip into a peaceful state, combatting the messy family divorce addressed publicly on facebook.

It makes you wonder, what's the next thing that will change?

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

You love surprises. Be inspired by that. Keep the secret until the surprise is whole. Feel no pressure if it doesn’t work out, because it is completely unknown except to yourself. Breathe deep and lose yourself in the passion of creating. Nothing else matters, and your gifts won’t be fully realized until that becomes truth. When you actually want to get up early in the morning to work on something, then you know it’s your passion. Don’t feel suffocated because what you’re doing isn’t perfect yet. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Remember Margiela. Actually doing something is important, more important than waiting until you feel ready to make a perfect try of it. Because nothing is going to get to that point without a lot of tries and mistakes first. Step out the front door and don’t look back. Fast from the things that hold you down and steal your time. Embrace the random whims that come into your mind, and don’t be afraid to have complete disjointedness between endeavors. Only then can it be made cohesive. Listen to Eisley and pin up old memories and sketches and photographs amongst the wooden slats of the space you make your own. You’re only 22, the pressure your feeling should not be made crippling, only inspiring in a way that makes you want to make every day and second count. Go to bed each night knowing you did everything you could to make your life a story worth telling.

"How did you get sober?" "I closed my mind, and I willed it to be."

I'm coming to find out that working in fashion retail is brainwashing. I realized this when Jaime pulled out a bright teal sweatshirt that said "Emu Farmers" with a picture of emus on the front, and I fell in love with it. Who needs 200 dollar shirts when you can have a thrift store find like that?

This week has been a really interesting journey, because I finally got so tired of being in a rut in life that I decided to change a few things. I gave up coffee and alcohol, and started meeting with an amazing mentor that is the most encouraging person I've ever met. She lets me vent out all my crazy life conundrums and speaks volumes into my life from the Lord. I've been praying for contentment within my job, and for peace about where God wants me to live, and I feel like this prayer is being slowly answered. It started with walking in the back alley near my house and smelling the night blooming jasmine. I fell asleep smiling to that smell, because the outdoors are so near and dear to my heart. In the midst of crazy everyday life, finding joy in God's creation is always simple fulfillment. Maybe I do belong here. I have such an amazing community of friends here, I have a great job, and I love my church. As much as I gripe and complain about wanting to be somewhere else, I feel like that is beginning to fade. Two nights in a row, I fell asleep smiling, just because I was happy to be where I was.

Church was amazing this morning. We're doing a series on how to be a spiritual leader, and every Sunday blows my mind. I listen to the podcasts of the sermons several times over during the week because there is so much to soak in. I LOVE being a part of a church that is seeking desperately after God's will in everything. I know that God is so faithful in my life to lift me up when I'm down, I just have to let Him do it.

Now my roommate and I are reverting back to middle school days, which may or may not include Spice Girls and Christina Aguilera music videos... I can't wait for our other roommate to get home, she finally met her hero Brian Wilson this weekend. It's going to be a shriek fest, I can feel it.

There is no such thing as an unwritten life, only a badly written one.

Night Jasmine is blooming.

It's the perfect setting to have the windows wide open.

And to dance alone by candle light to Jimmy Eat World.

I love it when the Lord refreshes my soul.