Free car washes and some Buffalo Exchanges

The first weekend of the year has been eventful as of now. Bobby B's fiesta was a bust, so instead Jaime, Nat and I took the hall to Santana's for food and some good jukebox music. Then we overdosed on sugar and watched 27 dresses. Quite a good movie, especially with the lines, "I'm your sister." "That was yesterday. Today you're just some bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress."

Jaime and I ran around today in PB and La Jolla until we found a coffeshop to do our homework in. We ended up in a random Japanese owned one with great chai and a customer who brought her really loud talking bird that stayed the whole time we did. Jaime sold some stuff back to Buffalo Exchange, and we ran around some more. Then the car wash happened. My father set a rule that I have to keep my car washed, and so when my family decided to come see me tonight, I had to do something. We went to a place on Sports Arena, and the thing quit halfway through. So I went in and they gave me the premium wash. Very exciting with cotton candy colored foam... It was my first time doing that myself, so I had a blast.

I realized that I have bad dreams almost every night now. Some nights are worse than others. Last night was particularly bad. I don't know why I've been given a wild dream imagination, but it's not always the best thing. I long for a peaceful night, free of anxiety and waking up every half hour. That time will come soon enough, I'm sure :)

I was able to look at pictures of you today.

It didn't bother me as much.

To be disconnected. But to keep things simple around others.

I wonder what it will be like

when I'm forced to put the pieces back together.

Will my dreams come true?

Will it all be magical?

Or is it just a false hope...

Adventures in RA'ing

First few days of school have been marvelous with my lovely ladies and good classes. I rode in an ambulance for the first time because of an emergency on my hall, and spent most of the night with my new friend Jake hanging out with a Jehovahs Witness delusional homeless man in a wheelchair, and watching Crocodile Dundee meets Los Angeles. Made it home around 5am singing Katy Perry and drinking orange Sobe, in time to get a whole two hours of sleep before my first marketing class. I woke up 30 minutes late, and ran to class without a pencil or paper. so i had to write everything in blue crayola marker. then i slept a lot that day :) I took some of my girls to dinner, then to the cliffs to watch the sunset and to see the tide pools, then we had our first small group.

Overall, it's been a pensive couple of days. My personal wellness class was about forgiveness and all around well-being. I'm really enjoying examining all the pieces of my life, seeing where I've been unhealthy spiritually and emotionally lately. Very fitting class for me right now.

Jaime and I got library cards at the local library, and I am reading a Thousand Splendid Suns. It's an amazing book that looks into the lives of woman in Afghanistan the past fifty years.

We went swimming in the ocean today, practicing for our surfing swim test next tuesday. I need to start doing a lot of push ups to get some arm strength, I'm weak as a baby. The sun was scorching, and I'm back at work now, enjoying the sound of the Sea World fireworks and eating watermelon. Though I really want to rinse the sand off, i didn't get a shower after the beach.

Do you have a name, or do you just go by "boyfriend"?

I'm feeling so calm about my job this year. Last night's adventure went far better than I ever could have expected, and my girls are wonderful with doing fun things. We dressed up in insane clothes and went to Figi Yogurt, then to Shelter Island to ring the Liberty Bell. After that we played this awesome name game and slid down a crazy slide at this bayside playground. We ended the night at Makeout Point, and soaked in the view of everyone's new home. The nerves are finally starting to subside, and I can't wait to see how this year goes.

Personal happiness has been difficult the past few days, a continual learning process of where to place my hope. I started to expect thoughtfulness and romance again from a place that has let me down consistently, hence causing a hint of depression. But then I realized that all I need to do when I feel alone is to go around my hall until I find girls feeling the same way, and to have fun with them. To talk, watch movies, go out, the sky is the limit. My life is worthwhile if i feed into others lives. If I love on them and encourage them, not ask things from others to make me happy. Life is about what you can give. Not about what you can receive.

I went to First Church with Jaime today, and the teaching was out of Joshua 24. The pastor talked about Achen and how the path we go on is our choice, and so are the consequences. If we choose to worship something other than God, the result is scarcity. Scarcity struck me as a strange word.

I still need to find a bunch of paper for a quote wall.. There were some good ones today. Jaime and I are also on the hunt for a traveling birthday gnome for all of the girls. Maybe Target garden department? We'll see.

Let's hear it for wanting to be an introvert when the opposite is required

I finally slept a decent amount last night and today, incurring partial relief to the fatigue and sore throat that has accumulated the past weeks.

I am thoroughly tired of being peppy and involved already, which is horrible because tonight is when my real job of getting to know my girls starts. I was reading Psalm 119 today, which happens a lot. It was great to remember that strength comes from God. That He will be for us when everything else falls apart.

I'm trying to stay in my new mode of being happy and independent, and after last night, I know I need to do that. Letting myself trust you again.. hurts. I can't do that yet. I thought I was okay, but there is a sickly and sallow part of me lurking just beneath the surface, threatening to drag me back down into the abyss I just crawled out of.

I am very excited to get to know everyone though, my girls are wonderful. I know this is going to be an amazing year :)

walking in a daze

I'm excited/scared/overwhelmed that my girls get here tomorrow. I wish I was more prepared. And that I knew all the right things to say, and right way to organize everyone.

I pray that this year will be amazing. That God will do huge things on my hall and in my dorm. That I will be a good RA, and present for whatever the girls need. That I will be able to balance everything in my life. That I will live hard, laugh often, and enjoy all the random things that can and will happen.

And so the journey begins, at 6:30 tomorrow morning...

I'm sorry. But in a leadership position, you can no longer participate in recreational nudity.

Yet another long day of RA stuff. Everyone learned the awkward balloon at dinner, which is basically holding up an imaginary balloon when there's awkward silence. Then you release it when the silence is over. Quite wonderful :)

I realized today that I haven't cried in a while. That I feel healthy again. If I avoid looking at old pictures, avoid thinking too much about us, everything is okay now. It hurt a bit to put up pictures on my wall today, having to turn half of them upside down and numb out the pain. I can't watch my favorite movie for a while. The music that plays during the menu screen would put me in a bad state.

Tonight's class about sexual harassment and hazing was priceless. I never thought about how crazy it is to work a job in a place like this.

It was also really cool today to feel so hungry to read my Bible. I'd left it in my car yesterday when I went to pick John up from the airport. Last night was wonderful. Time with my Dana and John. Bassam, polaroids, mint tea with honey, convertible top down. I am going to miss them soooo incredibly much, I can't believe they won't be a part of this semester here at school.

I miss Goog, who has been gone over a year now to Honduras.. All these amazing people seeing the world.

My lovely Jaime is moving in tomorrow, I'm so stoked!!! Unfortunately Target was sold out of absolutely everything I needed today, or else I'd have curtains up already. Seriously, every item I needed had been sold out. There was just a blank spot where they should have been. Frustrating...

The guy outside was trying to get me to sign a petition to legalize marijuana. Welcome to Southern California.

I just found out how to clean a part of my sewing machine. It basically exploded at me, so I had to put it back together. Apparently I should have been taking it apart to clean it a lot more often. Surely it just had enough of being dirty, so it let me know.

Good night world. Maybe somehow life will stop being insane long enough for me to reset. I highly doubt it. I'm soo not ready for classes.

That baby wouldn't have a name for three weeks.....

First off, props to Erin Bernhardt for her genius response to a pushy same sex petition person outside Target. When asked "Do you support same-sex marriage?" she replied "Um... I don't.. know.." Which stumped the guy. So he told her to keep thinking about it. Amazing.

I'm getting the same spider bites as last year already, and I've committed arachnid murder twice in the past two days. Nasty buggers.

I had a blast hanging out with Rach and Erin today at Costco and Ikea. And Starbucks. And Target. And the t-shirt store. So many places. It was quite exciting that we had $407.82 to pay for all the dorm snacks, and our total was $407.62.

There was a crazy obstacle course at the beach party tonight, great for skinned knees and elbows. Thankfully we got to leave early. Sewing by myself with tea and some Frank Sinatra was wonderfully relaxing. Not to mention I had a full view of the Pacific, which never grows old.

I read the passage in the Bible about bad company corrupting good habits. So true. Hit home quite deeply.

mm. New Superchick too. Love it. and Symphony bars.