"a womans heart should be so lost in God, it takes a man of God to find her"

So last year about this time I was trying to plan my summer out. I had so many open doors, so many opportunities, and I knew for certain that something life changing was going to happen. And so it did, though not at all how I expected.

Right now I'm planning this next summer, but praying for God to guide every step, and that He will give me what my heart really needs. Today my world got turned upside down with plans for the future, and I somehow jumped between thoughts of being a summer RA, camp counselor, retail working beach bum, an international student, and a missionary, all within the past two days.

The future is now just so scary! I'm trying to figure out how I can swing graduating early and am now planning to go to London for 10 weeks this summer to take fashion courses, and to do an internship there. I also have a fashion show next month, an internship with a highly acclaimed designer for next school year, and a senior show to work towards. It paid to be on top of things, and my control freak nature served me well for once.

But in the midst of everything, I long for God to draw near to me as I seek out where He wants me. I desire the contentment that only He can bring, as people falter on either side of me. I want to rely on Him for inner strength and happiness in a world that is full of lies and false dreams. I want to be complete in Him, so that I have the strength and courage to build others up without needing anything in return.

Each day should be lived like the blessing it is. Waking up to the waves crashing, in a body that is fully functional, surrounded by people who love and need to be loved. There are so many ways to live out a day. I hope there aren't too many that pass me by when I don't realize that.

So with hands clasped in prayer, I'll greet tomorrow with a refreshed spirit that my God will help me thrive through everything that is required of me over the next year. Because He is the one with the blueprints I have yet to see.

Memento Mori

That night I felt like I'd become something treasured, different

Can I tell you a story as we dance while the sun starts to bleed
Song of songs love is calling daughter wake up from your sleep

Refined I'll become the most dazzling precious treasure
I'll be treasured over all the earth

Bearing the gift of a new heart
Patience ablaze I'm slowly burning

Refined I'll become the most dazzling precious treasure
Ill be treasured over all the earth

I am in awe and in shock
I'm in love and given away
I'm reserved with these words:

Can I tell you a story as we dance while the sun starts to bleed
Trees rejoice with the wind here
Hallelujah, Yeshuah

Tonight I've become the most dazzling precious
I am treasured over all the earth
Just look at what he's done
How he's laying down his life
Take this life
Oh most dazzling precious treasure
Tonight I've become the most dazzling precious treasure
I am treasured over all the earth.

You may be a big fish in a small pond, but that doesn't mean you've won.

Today is such a happy day :) I'm so excited for Megan and Zach.

I'm discovering that art classes are a great way to vent creative frustration, and that happiness stems from it. Sketching and learning are inspiring, and I'm excited to see what will come of it. New designs are already flowing onto the page, but will come to life as my own form of three dimensional art. I've decided that's what it is for me, because I'm stuck somewhere between the fashion world and the art world. I don't fully fit into either one, but it may be okay. Maybe the world doesn't need another artist or fashion designer. Maybe it needs a new hybrid of both. And if not, oh well. I love what I do :)

Becoming more regular in reading my Bible has eased the frustration as well, which is to say a frustration at wanting my life to be meaningful and fulfilling. Hopefully these days where I just want to sleep pass soon, I want to have energy for all the amazing things life holds.