It has been almost two years to the day that I crossed my stars with someone else's that turned out to be a collision course. Post-explosion, I took the premature leap to do the same thing again, which I can see now was beneficial, though controversial. Today I broke it off, and I hope that I won't be dragging anyone else through the mud that is my life.
I need God to heal my broken and messy heart. So that I don't hurt Him anymore with my actions and thoughts. I don't know where I'm going or where I'll end up, but it never fails that I keep finding out things that I don't want. Is life the same series of trail and error for everyone? Or is it just me?
Now I'm free to grow in what God wants to show me. I've done my best to throw off the things that are hindering me from that. I hate being alone but love it at the same time. I like that I am responsible for only myself. That I don't have to trust and be hurt. Part of my healing will be learning to trust again, because a lot of what I've seen is broken people in a broken world that I can't trust.
It's time to live, and breathe, and make new memories in new places. I know that my Savior lives and is working wonders in my life through all of this. It's just the beginning, setting the stage for the rest of my days. I just turned 21 yesterday. There's too much time left to have my book be closed. I'm sorry for hurting all the people I have in the previous chapters. I'd take it all back, or at least take away your pain.
And lastly, thank you for the friends that love me enough to be brutally honest with me, and supporting me in doing what is right even when it's hard. It is one of the biggest blessings in my life, to have the few that truly care about me be there when I need them. I love you all.
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