Heima-Alafoss Vaka

I'm sitting at work waiting for my shift to be over, so I decided to write this catch up blog while I watch Sigur Ros music videos. I've been traveling so much the past few weeks, I'm exhausted. I went home to Vegas for spring break with Jaime and Dana, which was amazing. We did the every hour photo challenge, and I have most of them posted on my flickr. This past weekend I went to Flagstaff, AZ with the youth staff, and it was awesome too. I took a total of 752 pictures on that trip. Funny how much I prefer to see life through the lens of a camera. It's so much more exciting.

I'm trying to be an explorer of the world. Finding the little things in life to be beautiful and exciting like smells, flowers, colors, all of it is so much fun. I'm also trying to be more intentional in all the relationships in my life, and in letting God use me in any way He wants. I've been working on a few new design patterns, and I'm really excited about it. I'll be starting my etsy account as soon as I get it organized and my portfolio for London finished.

Next week I'm going to Provo, and it warms my heart to know that I'm going to get to see so many amazing people that I miss so much. It's like jumping back into reality going up there, because I feel truly alive. Then a few weekends after that, I get to go beach camping with some of them, which will be soooo fun!

Jumping around to all these different places wears me out, but keeps me grounded in knowing that the world really does have good people in it. I don't know which place I belong in yet, but it's a comfort knowing that wherever I end up, I'll still have amazing friends.

Daggers just flew from James Cameron's eyes...

I’m a bit nervous for tomorrow. It’s my first buying trip in LA, actually picking out large amounts of fabric. Bargaining is scary, and it’s my first time actually investing a fair amount of money in fabric I plan on making clothes to sell out of. I’m praying I make good decisions and find everything I need for the next few months. The whole business thing is a crazy process, one I don’t feel prepared for in the slightest. But when opportunity knocks, you have to go for it. So I’m going for it. I know I’ll learn a lot and will make mistakes along the way, but it’s what I love to do. All in all it’s exciting to try it all out, and hopefully this summer I’ll learn even more skills to do what I love. God knows the desire of my heart, and I have faith in Him that He has given me the skills and talents I have to minister for Him. And only He knows where it will all take me in life, I’m just along for the ride,

Remember Eve

Sweetie, you are poison to me, sucking the strength I’ve worked so hard to acquire and building a false future that will never be. I need to be free from you, but I keep falling into the past. Comparable to Eve, I follow you off the path I should be on, losing track of God’s promise to bring me what’s best. Yet anything you have to offer comes up short, and I don’t want it anymore. I deserve better. I want you to stop haunting my waking and sleeping dreams so that it can be no more than a memory I recall only on occasion.

I wake up in the morning feeling like... bah, get this song out of my head

I love encouraging youth group days. We had a panel of female youth staff answering questions for all of the guys, and it sparked some good conversation. There was some good insight into relationships that I loved hearing and being able to offer experience on. I'm stoked for the Arizona youth staff trip in a few weeks, because it's exciting to participate in that kind of bonding experience with people who offer so much insight and knowledge.

I fell asleep for four hours today, perks of being sick. It astounds me how vivid dreams can be, even when I'm half awake. Hopefully this sickness leaves soon, because I miss running!

Jaime and I discovered you can (supposedly) hold dvd's at redboxes online, but when we got to the redbox, it didn't work. Scam? Maybe so... But we're watching the new Harry Potter none the less. There's a copy of the Rocky Horror Picture Show sitting on the table here in the lounge, and I plan to abscond with it and watch it this week if nobody claims it.

Now one giant Chipotle burrito later, I'm ready for sleep again, rather it be food coma or sickness. Man I love that place :)

I get knocked down, but I get up again

I've had a rather down past few days, but with really high highs thrown in. Pastor Dee talked about Psalm 27 yesterday at church, and spoke about all the darkness we hold in our lives. Darkness of insecurity, fear or not being good enough, not being adequate to do what we want in life, and other similar things. It was amazing to have God speak that into my life, because I'd journaled about it the night before. It's such an unstable time of life, but I know that God is with me, so I should not fear.

Classes keep getting cancelled, and I'm slightly sick with a cough and headache from being stressed for so long, so it all works out. Next week I get to go home for spring break, and I'm going to a show Sunday night by myself. I feel like I do that a lot, because it's so hard to find people who are passionate about the same things as me here. But I don't mind. I'm normally just a nameless face in the crowd, so it fits for me to join the masses while in my own little world. No need to worry about someone leaving you or having to keep track of someone. Just me, myself, and I to take care of.

Looking at experiencing the near future alone isn't as scary if I remember I can just put my mind into God and work. I am a hard worker, and can put my mind to designing for hours on end. It's almost a numbing sensation, which can be quite helpful.

"Mom says I'm her very own alive Barbie Doll"

The Fashion show is finally over! I am so very pleased with how well yesterday went. We started doing hair and makeup at 2, and I had models leaving in groups the whole time for photoshoots with John and Claire. They were such a huge help in making the day go off without a hitch.

There was a lot more down time this year because we were done getting ready so early, which was a big stress reliever. And, the weather waited until this morning to dump rain, so despite the cold, it worked out really well :) A lot of people came, including my family and the wonderful high school girls from my church.

Now I'm just completely spent, though I managed to get my room picked up from the mayhem. I'm so grateful that God helped me get through to the end, even though it was hard to finish.

I've decided to make a final trip up to Provo at the end of March. I had pretty much vowed never to go back, but God has been faithful in healing my heart enough to allow me to go once again to the source of my highest highs and my lowest lows. Chi and I already have some fun things in the works, including a Harry Potter party and human battleship. I get to hang out with several other amazing ladies that I admire so very much. I'm not quite sure how it will go. I'm praying that I will be able to enjoy the memories of all the fun times I had in the beautiful town, and not dwell on the painful ones.

The biggest lesson I've learned from that city is that no matter who you think you should be with, or what you think you should be doing, you'll never be happy unless you're fulfilling the purpose your Creator made you for.

Today was a day just like any other

Today I enjoyed the sunshine. And the obnoxious parrots. I smiled for no reason and let the old school Christian songs take me back a few years.

I'm bracing myself, and preparing for the time to come. Praying that God will show me once again how to be abundantly joyful in serving others, as well as in the little things in life.

There are only three short months left until I head out to London, and I'm trying to rebuild my life before then. This will probably mean quite a few hours in prayer, and then a few more blasting Flyleaf's Memento Mori.

Every night has held the same dreams. But now I know, they will come to naught. It's tragic, mostly because it's so scary to be alone. I'm making myself a promise that by the time I head out of the country, I'll have come to grips with being content with Jesus, and Jesus alone. I'd be lying if I said I was there already. But that deep seated anxiety towards needing another person has flown away, and when I look at the state I was in at the end of last summer, I'm doing quite well.

My show is on Friday, and a lot has gone wrong the past few days. I just ripped up one of my finale dresses because it didn't fit the model. And now she's home sick so I can't fit the altered one on her. Maybe I'll end up modeling in it after all. I officially have a 54% in microeconomics, and a huge art midterm tomorrow I don't think I'm quite prepared for. Praise God it's all almost over. I'm going to sleep all day Sunday, and coast until Spring Break.

Anyway, it's bed time.

P.S.

I can be only friends now. I promise.