Taste it rolling on your tongue

I'm sitting on the patio of my favorite coffee shop here in San Diego, soaking up the sunlight while i finish up some homework and spend time in the Word. Apparently I'm graduating early, so there's no time to waste enjoying the ocean air.

A verse I came across today in Proverbs perplexed me.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."

Proverbs 13:10

I found it interesting because I have the tendency to not want to hope, because I hate getting disappointed. People let me down, situations don't work out, and it's easy to become disenchanted with the World. But I'm also realizing that when you have God as your only focus, these events just roll off, and life continues to be joyful. I'm not sure when I reached the point that I started to let disappointment get to me, because I used to just smile and let it go. I'm praying that God will bring my heart back to that place.

Hope is a good thing, and choosing not to hope just leads to sadness. Hoping and being let down, with the knowledge that God is in charge of everything, is definitely better than deferring hope.

God places desires on our hearts for reasons often unknown to us. Sometimes we don't understand it and want it to go away. One of my best friends told me she wishes God didn't place the desire for a significant other on our hearts until we are ready and know who that person is. Having a desire and not seeing right away how it will work out is a practice in faith. We can know that God has a plan, but still have a bloody difficult time being okay with it.

All I know is God knows me better than I do. Somehow the desires I've had and hopes that have been disappointed are working together for my best interest. I can see a lot of ways that it has already happened, so trusting the rest will be okay shouldn't be this hard. So I'm praying for more faith too, and peace with God's timing and plan for my life.