Recent Life Through Pictures

Here's recent life in picture form:

I've hung out with some pretty cool people

Gone to some wonderful local music shows

Dressed an army of mannequins for Zandra Rhodes at Mingei International Museum

Made a dress for Meaghan Maple's fabulous album release show
Made some business cards with a typewriter
Decorated for a birthday party
Had an adventure with Meg, records, and Taco Bell

Saw a lovely rendition of Alejandro performed through dance

And hung out with one of my favorite people from home.

It's halfway through the semester.. and I can't really wrap my head around that. Life moves so fast, don't forget to process, reflect, and enjoy every part of it.

"I can finally ask a girl out for a drink. And it doesn't mean milk or a caf refill anymore"

My blog worthy venture for today is the shirt I made. I got up early, had a productive morning and went to class, then spent the next 7 hours sewing. Dane and Megs were in an out of the house the whole time, which was fun and mixed it up. We got sushi at the original Sushi Deli, which was a lot of fun. I had the Mexican roll, and then it hit me. I like cilantro now. I used to absolutely despise cilantro. But slowly but surely it has been creeping it's way into my palate as of late. Then today, as I was staring at my roll, tasting delicious shrimp tempura, avacado and cilantro, my eyes were suddenly opened.

I made a shirt today that started off way different than it finished. I'm happy with it though, I mixed black jersey and embroidery thread to lace up the back. I'm going to wear it to a show tomorrow night.

Titanic was just on, and a completely stoned kid just used a Netty Pot in our bathroom. Epic times.

I just took my slippahs off

Life is happening so quickly, I feel like I never stop to process it all. It occured to me over the past few days that if I'm not living my life each day in a way that merits something worth writing about, I need to change it up a little bit. However, the problem hasn't been a lack of things to write about, but rather a lack of me taking that needed time for reflection.

The housing situation has been hectic and frustrating, because apparently nobody things six girls can function together in a small house. We did have the privilege of listening to two old schoolteacher give us a 2 hour lesson on plankton during a house viewing though. Quite an interesting topic I must say. It's a faith journey for sure, and I'm blessed to have a great place to stay in the time being.

Last week and this past weekend were brimming with crazy new people and experiences. I started my work at the Mingei International Museum on the Zandra Rhodes exhibit, which has been an amazing experience so far. I ironed for 14 hours, and today spent an entire day dressing a large army of white mannequins. I am so blessed to get to see all of the garments, and to learn so much about them while I'm working with them. My favorite dress of all times is a punk wedding dress she did in 1979 that I found in a book over the summer in London. And today I got to put that very dress on a mannequin. So much fun!

I had coffee with a friend, met two new friends, and played tourist this weekend. Saturday I took three of the youth group girls to get piercings at Seth's Chop Shop. They had fun, and I ended up having tea with Seth and his friend Julian in the upstairs music studio. Later that day, we met our random houseguest Bryan, and he turned out to be quite the wonderful new friend. I went with him, Sara, and Nikki to Ivy in the Gaslamp for a Jedediah art show that benefitted Invisible Children. It was on the roof of the club, complete with a pool and a huge spray painted wall. After that we wandered around and counted bachelorette parties, then got burritos.

Sunday I went to Existence, and church was amazing. My favorite worship leader was singing, and it was soooo good. The message challenged me to be bold in sharing my faith, which is something I've been growing in a lot lately. After church, I went to see Seth again about a monk and some tea, and he ended up cutting my hair for me. After this was the house viewing that went awry, then hanging out at the house competing with Nikki, Kendall, and Bryan on National Geographic Kids quizzes online. When homework was done, Sara, Nikki, Bryan and I went for a night swim. It was my first time in the ocean this year, and I'm not sure why I don't do that more.

Last night after class I went to Meaghan's house for some low key list making for our arts and crafts projects. But then Merrilee had to find free records on Craigs List and got us started on an insane adventure to Chula Vista. Long story short, we went the wrong way, had the records sold to someone else before we got there, and went to the wrong Taco Bell. 46 miles, 20 dollars, 91 new records, and the 5 dollar box at Taco Bell. And we listened to the Bird and the Bee and had great conversation. So all in all it was completely worth the shadiness.

Praise God for prayer. We talked about it tonight in youth group. We are so privileged as believers to have direct access to our father any time we want. And what a wonderful Father we have! After this summer, I have no doubt that prayer is ridiculously real and powerful in both the big and the small. I want to get into the daily discipline of asking the Lord to each day reveal to me His blessings and who He wants me to bless. And not only that, but that He would bring me into many situations daily where I can share His name and have my faith tested and grown. I feel like a lot of the tensions of the past week could have been solved if I had prayed about everything that happened before I acted. But I'm going into this week trying to do that, so we'll see what happens :)

we got the fat one and the runt of the litter

I find it amazing how life changes so much week to week. The entire climate of it can be so different all the time. I went home to Vegas again this past weekend to clear my head and to see my family and friends, whom I've been missing dearly. It's hard feeling so at home in two different places. The UNLV game was amazingly fun on Saturday night, and it was my first state school sporting event. It was strange to be there and imagine what my life would have been like the past few years if I'd stayed home and gone to school there on the full ride scholarship I had. I can picture myself there.. but at the same time, a whole amazing part of my life here in San Diego never would have happened.

Today was a big design day for me, and I'm super excited to start working on my collection for this season. My goal is to find space to do it by this weekend, because I'm itching for some creative flow to start happening. There are so many ideas I've had that need to actually happen, so hopefully pictures soon :)

You walk on streets of gold

I'm finally back in San Diego after a whirlwind week at home. I can't believe it went by so quickly, and so much happened. I got to see Alex for the first time in two years, Jennie got married, and Lauren has a baby now. There was a huge reunion at my house that hasn't happened in two years, and it was amazing seeing everyone and hanging out with my family.

Between jet lag, culture shock, and all the crazy adventures, I can't even remember all that happened last week, but I was incredibly sad to leave. I miss my family and my amazing friends back at home, but I'll be back there in two weeks to pick up more of my stuff.

Yesterday my classes started, and today was my first day interning for Zandra Rhodes. I got there at 10, and they put me to work organizing Zandra's work space. I enjoy organizing things, so it was a lot of fun. Not to mention the place is full of incredible things. Art supplies, sewing supplies, tons of fabric, crazy shoes, and makeup from her MAC line she did. After that I sewed labels for putting in the garments, but I did it all wrong the first time. When I finally figured it out (and used thread wax for the first time) I was ready for lunch. Beach parking was a nightmare, and even though I'm just a block away, I decided to take a nap in my car.

Back inside, I tied knots on the crazy ruffles on this amazing wedding dress someone commissioned Zandra to make, so I had to wash my hands a lot and be very careful. Then I was asked to try to paint and draw designs for fabrics inspired by Zandra's designs for the rest of the day. I have no idea if they'll actually like any of them, but it was fun to do nonetheless. I figured out that if I work 11 hours a week, it's plenty, so I left at 3:30. Christina, the office manager, was really sweet. She told me that when Zandra is actually in, she gets really intense and crazy, and sometimes gets really upset, so I should be prepared.

I'm so excited for youth group tonight, I've missed my girls so much! It's going to be a really fun year.

The End.

It's here at last. I leave London today, and it's at that point that I'm just ready to be home already. I've said my tearful goodbyes, eaten my last baguette, and ridden my last double decker bus. A lot has happened over the past few days, but I've had writers block of some kind, so even though I've sat down multiple times with the intent of writing it all down, I end up never finishing. Probably because my defense mechanism is to shut down when I'm about to leave another place I call home.

I had my last day of work, which was long and kind of sad. Julia gave me a genius hand made card though, it was super cute. All I did was meet a red headed woman named Katherine to give her keys, and it was a gorgeous walk trying to find the place. The wind was blowing and it was cold, almost going to rain. Then I got another lunch at Beetroot, the vegan restaurant I love now. Then I got back to the shop and helped Julia load her tiny car with all the clothes for her vintage show. I visited with Zanab (I finally learned how to spell her name) and we exchanged email addresses. Then I sat in the shop and put music on a flash drive for Julia the rest of the day, before going home for our going away party. I met April and Kik at the Thai restaurant where Kik was getting our food. ( and my getting our food, I mean cooking it in the kitchen with the chef. I love family run restaurants.) Then we had our little get-together with people from a bunch of different countries. Thailand, Italy, Poland, England, and the US were represented.

I got up early to take April to the airport, and her luggage was so unbelievably heavy it took us forever to get to the tube. But I think adrenaline kicks in when you're trying to just get home, and I know that will happen when I leave today. I went to an amazing Bible study and took them as much stuff as I could carry from the apartment. Then I went to school to print out my papers to turn in. After that I was so exhausted I took a long nap, then spent the rest of the evening making really good veggie stir fry and packing. I slept in this morning, and finished packing and cleaning, now I'm waiting for Kik to get here so we can leave. I'm sad, but just ready to be home now. The only part of this day I'm looking forward to are the movies on the plane, because I miss movies so much. I watched Charlie Bartlett for a second time last night while I was packing.

Praise God for He has made this an amazing trip. He has changed me in so many ways I can't even describe, and I'm praying that I don't go back to how I was before I left. I don't think I will, because I've been here for so long. Sometimes you change a little when you're gone for a week or so, but I've lived here for almost 3 months, and I know I'm not the same. I'm more joyful, and much closer to my creator. I have peace finally, after a very long two or three years of it missing.

I'm so excited to get home, and I love that because I missed everything so much, I won't take the mundane for granted ever again. I can't wait to see my friends and in a few days my family. I can't wait for the heat and the sunshine. For Alex to get home and Jennie to get married. For all the cooking and crafts Dustin and I will do, and the burritos and adventures I'll have with Casey. I can't wait to sit on Kelly's bed and talk about life like we've done since the 9th grade. And most of all, I will have them all over to lay by the pool and drink strawberry lemonade with me. Praise God :)

Day 16. Almost done.

Today was my second to last day at work, and it made me so sad that I'm leaving! I went in at 10:30, and got sent straight back to DGS to drop off a pattern to the Greek sample maker named Chris. He told me I always look different, and told me to sit down in his office while he looked at the pattern. Then he proceeded to ask me how I like what I'm doing, and then gave me some advice about the industry. He told me fashion design is all about flair. He said to take a fashion illustration class, and to never lose my flair, as well as to go shopping all the time and get ideas to improve on. After that he told me a long story about a lady friend he knows in Texas, and how he might visit. Then he gave me his card and told me to keep in touch in case I need work in the future. I was so happy when I left there, because I feel like it was a great networking opportunity.

When I got back to the shop, Julia set me to ironing a big pile of t-shirts for the Vintage festival she's showing at this weekend while she ran some errands and got lunch for us. It was fun work, I don't mind ironing. And the radio was on, which I still thoroughly enjoy because of the novelty of being in England. I went upstairs and watched the store when I was gone, and traded music on Julia's computer. I love sharing that part of my culture with her, and gaining the same experience through music she loves as well.

Julia came back with vegan lunches from Beetroot, and they were amazing!!!! There was all sorts of fun stir fry and tofu and mint seasoned quinoa. It was really filling, and we had a nice long talk about getting into the business, mistakes she made when she started, and other life things. I really am sad that I am leaving, because I feel so at home there. She's sad I'm leaving too, because everything just kind of worked out really well with us working together. It's so strange to think that tomorrow is my last day. But after we finished lunch, she sent me to Shepherds bush with two dresses to match fabric for. One was the creme cocktail dress, but she wanted the same fabric in black, and then there was another black dress to match and lining as well. I think it's funny when she can't remember where she bought it, but it works because then I can go to the places that will give me a good deal. I was able to find all three for relatively cheap, and in record time. So with that, I said my final goodbye to Shepherds Bush, and went home for the day.

Days 14 and 15

Friday I forgot to write my journal, so I'm trying to think it all up now. It's so hard to remember what happened after a crazy long weekend of adventures.

Day 14

I was happy this day was friday. I'd had a long week with lots of long days, so thankfully it was the end of the week. I came in at 10:30, and watched the shop while Julia went out for a few hours. I did some work scanning things into the computer, and worked on cutting patterns out for the first few hours. I hadn't finished them the day before, and it was quite a time consuming task. Thankfully I finally mastered using the little paper punch thing. When she came in, she had me press all of the clothes from a boutique on Carnaby street to display in the store, which didn't take long at all. Then finally, it was interview time. I had spent a few weeks compiling a long list of questions to ask Julia about every part of her business, and about being a designer working in sustainable and fair trade goods. She spent over a half hour talking with me about everything, and I recorded it all on video to dictate later. Now I have page after page of interview written down, and it's priceless. I learned so much and was so empowered to start doing it for myself, that I got my entire paper written off of the interview. I might talk more about it later when I have the time

Day 15 (I think the weekend will have to be a separate thing altogether)

Today was Tuesday, and I got to do lots of fun things. The first was sending out an email invitation to a vintage festival Julia will be showing at to all the people on her press list. She has a very extensive network of people that she works with, and it took me almost an hour to send the emails out to them all. I scanned some stuff into the computer, and sat back to realize how much I loved what I'm doing in life. I get to sit in a studio with a cup of coffee and listen to really good music all day doing design related work. I am so blessed to be doing what I love.

I did some photoshop work next, which included cropping and resizing the sample pictures I had to model for. I didn't like those pictures at all, and it proves pink is NOT my color. But it was still fun to do photoshop all the same, and seeing the line come together is great. After I finished it all, I ran to the store to get more instant coffee for Julia, the fair trade kind. I think almost all the coffee here is Free Trade and Rainforest Alliance, which is super cool. I got some gingersnaps for us to eat too, because work is just more fun with cookies around.

When I got back, Julia had me use the overlock for the first time, and I was super excited to get to sew. My job was to sew together strips of the fabric I cut out a few days back, and to make tubes out of them. They were about ten feet long, so turning them inside out was a bit of a chore, but because the fabric had some stretch, it was relatively easy. My fingers hurt now though. Julia said that she's using them to make bracelets and necklaces of some sort, so it should be fun when it's all finished. When I was done, she let me leave for the day, but tomorrow should be a lot longer.

Tonight I presented my powerpoint about opening an eco-friendly store in OB, and I got completely soaked walking back from work and then to school in the rain. My umbrella was sadly forgotten at the house after Bible study on Saturday night, so even my rain coat didn't save me. But now I'm going to start the packing madness, and see what I have to throw out before I leave.

Day 13

Today I got ready to go in by 11, and I got a text from Julia telling me there was a problem with the shop, so to not go in yet. Instead, I went the British Museum, and then lost myself in Covent Garden. I also got a bagel with peanut butter and coffee at the other Monmouth store. Then I walked all the way to work, thus getting my several miles of workout in for the day. As soon as I got to the store, Julia sent me back out to Morplans, to get bags and a sale sign for the store. I was once again glad that I’d been through design classes so I could find the store easily. After I bought the supplies, I headed down to a shop on Carnaby Street called Beyond the Sea to pick up some of Julia’s dresses they didn’t sell. There were only a few, and I checked and signed for them. Carnaby Street is an awesome place, it was where Mod fashion started in the 60’s. Think.. Twiggy style. When I got back to the shop, I started cutting out lots of patterns that just came back from the print shop. It was lots of tedious work, but I got to use a special paper punch to make notches. I also had another really good conversation with Zana who was working with me. We talked about what skills are needed in the industry, how training sometimes doesn’t matter, and we dreamed up big plans. She was so encouraging when I told her my business ideas, and it made me think that they could come true. I left work so happy and encouraged today, because I want to dream big and start my own business within the next few years. Tomorrow I’m opening the shop, and finishing the patterns I was cutting out today. I’m getting pretty darn good at all the exact little things in pattern tracing and cutting out fabric. I’m really thankful this job as taught me that, because I tend to be sloppy on my own.

Day 12

Today was a slow day. I went in at 10, and found out I would just be hanging out at the shop by myself for almost the whole day. Julia also gave me the "small" job of cutting out a pattern that was just a 4.5 cm/60 cm strip. This turned into almost 4 hours of work, because she wanted as many as I could get out of a bag of scraps. There were a ton of scraps. But I love listening to the radio and being left alone to work, so it was quite peaceful, though monotonous. I also scanned in some design sheets to the computer, and it gave me some ideas on how to make my own, with all the specifications for production. Tom, the man Julia is working with to start his line, came by early and ran around the shop. He looked at the samples I picked up for him, and asked me what I thought about them. He is an interesting guy, really nice, but also very strong willed when it comes to the creative part of things. It's kind of fun to work on the samples for them, because they'll be launched into production eventually and be sold.

I took a short lunch break to get a baguette at Waitrose, which has kind of become my norm. I know it's not super healthy to eat a whole loaf of bread every day for lunch, but I love them so much.

When I got back to the shop, I modeled two dresses for Julia and Tom, and they got into an argument over the strap of the pretty cream cocktail dress. The strap goes over one shoulder and connects to the ruffle down the front left side, and is the focal point that brings the dress together. Julia loved the strap, and Tom didn't like it at all. He has very strong opinions, and I could tell Julia was getting frustrated. I personally thought it would just be like any other strapless cocktail dress without the strap, and I told them that when they asked me. Julia is the designer, and has a strong vision of what will sell and make things unique. Then I changed and watched the shop while they went out looking for ideas on Oxford street for the rest of the afternoon. I dropped off her keys to her at Selfridges after 5, and I get to go in late tomorrow. That's exciting :)

Days 10 and 11

I'm a bit behind because I'm partly forgetful and partly lazy. But here goes.

Friday at work, I got to arrange pictures in photoshop for Julia for a few hours. It was a good reminder that I need to have basic knowledge of design programs, and I enjoyed the work I got to do. I pick up on computer stuff fairly quickly, and it was cool to do it in a professional setting. I watched the shop for a few hours, and helped the few customers that came in. Julia sent me back to Hackney again after that to pick up another sample from Kasha. The dress is a beautiful cream colored cocktail dress with a asymmetrical strap and ruffle down one side. Thankfully I got to go home early that day, and I left some cookies I made for everyone to eat.

Today, Tuesday, was an early day as well. I came in and found out Julia wasn't feeling well. She had me pick some seams on the cocktail dress, and on this crazy pantsuit outfit where a sleeve seam had caught. I've become very accustomed to picking seams, because I mess up my sewing more than I get it right. After that, I watched the shop while Julia ran across the street to get some orange juice, then I went on an adventure to pick up the pink ruffle dress I cut out last week from another place. I got coffee, then took the tube to a place past Manor House, and walked through a crazy indoor market to find the place. It had some lovely old greek men sitting out front that told me how to find the unit I was looking for. When I got there, the man behind the desk was eating an ice cream cone. He said "Hold on just a minute, I'm eating my ice cream cone." It was great, and he was really nice. I grabbed the dress, which looked really great, and I was proud because I had been in charge of picking out one of the materials. I took the dress back, and, after getting lost and paying extra for being outside zone 2, gave the dress back to Julia. She let me go home after that, so I went to Oxford street and got some clothes shopping done :) good day all in all.

Day 9

Today was a slow day at work. Well, sort of. I started it by cutting out some bias bindings and dress pieces from the fabric I picked up yesterday in Shepherds Bush. It was fun playing with chalk, and learning a trick to find the bias in a really easy way. (Bias is the exact diagonal on a fabric, where it's the stretchiest and curves the best.)

After that I took my lunch break and finally found the perfect black trousers at Selfridges. I wouldn't have gone in except that they were playing Stacie Orrico's song "There's gotta be more," which I found ironic. But I love the song, so I did go in, and I'm happy I did. The only problem is that everything seems so much cheaper than it really is! The conversion rate really is terrible.

Back at work, I wrote down some bands that I liked playing on the radio, and read my book for a while. Then I put some invoices and letters into envelopes, addressed, and stamped them. It was an interesting look into the world of a fashion designer, because they were letters about not receiving payments, and about contacting solicitors if payment isn't made. It's quite sad, because either the products didn't sell well, or the businesses are having money problems. I doubt they just forgot, but maybe they did.

I sat in the shop for a few hours and read, when a customer came in and actually bought something. People never come in the store, so I wasn't quite sure what to do. Here in England, sales people either hover too much, or not at all. So I wasn't sure which one to do, and I tried for a happy medium. I'm way too awkward though, because I don't know the products as well as I should. But now I know exactly what questions I need to be asking so I do a better job. One woman bought a jacket, and put a clutch on hold for tomorrow, and another one came in to look at dresses for her daughter. She talked a lot, and that was nice for a change. A lot of people in the area don't talk much. All in all, I found myself praying nobody else would come in, which is horrible, because I should want everyone to come in. Normally I would, but not when I'm alone and don't know the answers to the questions I'm asked.

At the end of the day, Julia and her two friends came back and had me model a dress for them again. I was half naked and it was rather awkward, but that's okay, it's part of the business. It makes me realize how different every person's body is. For example, the dress I was wearing is considered a perfect European size 10. On me, that's a little too tight in the butt, and too loose in the chest, and also too short in the torso. But I suppose most of us are okay with a pretty decent fit in most of our clothing, as long as it's not too tailored. Some garments don't have to be perfect, and they still work. It all comes down to dressing for your body type.

Then I mailed the letters and went to class, which was interesting. I talked to the professor about my paper, and when asked why I want to do eco and fair trade stuff, I told him a lot of it has to do with my faith as a Christian. He replied that Christians are the worst, tree cutting and baby chopping damned people. I didn't really know how to reply to that. It's really sad how Christians are viewed in England sometimes, and I think I was too shocked to make a coherent reply. Then he kept talking about my paper. But that sure did throw me off.

After the meeting I walked home through the park, stopped on a little obscure trail and read by some squirrels and birds, and enjoyed the beautiful breeze. I really want to go to the deep south for some reason. And I really want to garden and spend some quality time outside. I miss New Mexico summers so much. Hopefully I can go back there soon.

That's wicked!

I stayed up too late last night, so I really didn't want to get up today. But I did have a really good time reading my Bible once I did get up. Two Psalms really stuck out to me:

Psalm 37:23

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand."

Psalm 62:5-7

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength and my refuge is in God."

I loved these verses because they apply directly to what I'm dealing with in life right now. So good.

Today work was a bit slow, I just hand tacked a million gathers on a beautiful dress, read some magazines, and watched the shop. Julia and I had a nice chat about relationships, and I'm getting really used to instant coffee. It's actually quite good, so I might consider working it into my life back in the states...

This afternoon I went to Shepherds Bush to find fabric for Julia, and was able to find an almost exact match for the peach jersey. I was very glad, because I went into a lot of stores before I finally found it. Peach doesn't seem to be a very popular color.

I'm home early now, and I just made an attempt at curry. I boiled potatoes, lentils, and quinoa, then made a sauce of garlic, onions, coconut milk, and very spicy green curry paste. It's quite delicious, and I'm going to experiment some more with it soon. Tonight is Bible study at Yumchaa, then I'm going to a show with April at some venue here in Camden. Hopefully it's lots of fun, I'm sure it will be.

Day 7

Today has been an intense day, but I've been so blessed throughout. It started with my bus never coming, so I had to take the tube, thus being half an hour late to work. Because my phone is still missing, I wasn't able to call Julia and tell her, so I felt really bad. Tomorrow I will get a new phone for sure. When I got to the store, Julia sent me straight out to find a dry cleaner that could finish her boyfriends pants by the end of the day. Thankfully I was able to sweet talk a persian man at the first one to get them done before 5pm. He then handed me a pair of fingernail clippers and asked if I wanted to use them, because of how long my nails are. I said "No... thank you."

Back at the shop, I ironed a batch of clothes that are being sent to a store in Brighton. It's fun to see Julia's stuff picked up by other stores in different places. Next, I cut out a shirt in a silky blue fabric that liked to slip and slide all over. I was shocked when Julia just cut the fabric in a jagged half, because I'd spent hours trying to figure out the layout for all the pieces. I got all the bodice pieces out of one half, then realized she had forgotten we needed 2 of one of the ruffles, so in the end there wasn't enough fabric. And there was another lesson in reading patterns really carefully.

On my lunch, I ran into almost every store in the closest 5 blocks of Oxford street looking for black, closed toe high heels. I didn't find any in the hour, and ended up back at work stressed out because I needed them by 5. After that, I cut out a dress from this crazy pink ruffle material that hopefully hangs right. I always wonder when I cut out stretch fabric how it will work. Being very careful and measuring 8 million times is something I've become very accustomed to on this job. When 3:30 rolled around, I started to wrap piles of advertising cards together with grosgrain ribbon, then she let me leave early for tea.

I put on my Black Market White House dress for the first time in the dressing room, then ran out the door to hunt for black shoes again. In Barret's shoes store, I came across a glorious pair of 5 inch black stilettos for a reasonable price, so I bought them and told the man to keep the box. He was so shocked I was just going to wear them right then and there, it was hilarious. People take their shoes so seriously here.

So I got on the tube and went to Green Park, and got to Fortum and Mason half an hour early. It's an amazing store, where the queen gets her groceries. I wandered around for a bit, then found Dr. Wilder (my academic advisor at Point Loma,) her daughter, and her granddaughter. We went upstairs, and waited to be seated for our tea. It was a cozy and beautiful place, complete with couches and pillows, with beautiful china place settings. We picked from the extremely expensive menu out of two afternoon teas or high tea. I chose the basic afternoon tea with strong Assam Tea. I had so much fun talking to them, and I found out that Dr. Wilder had met with a friend of hers, who just happens to be the ex-editor of Mademoiselle magazine. The woman gives scholarships on occasion, and somehow I am receiving one. It's such a blessing! Now I'm just required to have lunch with the two of them.. which is pretty much the coolest stipulation ever. I can't wait.

Our tea was wonderful. First they brought a plate of little appetizers. There were some cheddar sticks, meat pate pastries, and crackers with some sort of tuna on them. Then they brought out a pot of tea for each of us, and a three tiered plate of pastries. There were little sandwhiches and egg eclairs on the bottom level, scones on the second, and a variety of chocolate and cheesecake pastries on the top. There was also a three tiered plate of jam and clotted cream for the scones. This was the first dairy and meat I've had in a while, because my stipulation to being vegan was to not let it interfere with obligatory social events, such as this. I was so full by the end, and I still got to take home the leftovers in a beautiful box tied with ribbon.

I wish I could have recorded all the great things we talked about. Everything from life plans, my designs, and the young Loma marriage rate, to British culture. It's such a blessing to have people like them in my life, and I know that there will be many more similar occasions over the years. Praise God :)

Day 6

I was tired when I woke up today, come to find out it's probably because I haven't been taking my vitamins. But nevertheless, I went to work, ready for another day. I got there around 10:30 and watched while Julia showed me all the patterns that needed cutting out for the day. There was a dress and lining, this crazy black mesh for another dress, and a blue ruffle shirt. So I turned on the radio and went to work while she went to a meeting. It took me all morning, and I didn't finish, but all of the patterns went well.

The best part of the day was talking to Xana, the other woman that shares the studio. She gave me some pointers on how to cut the mesh better (slippery fabrics are a nightmare to work with,) and it helped a bunch. We talked about loving design and how to take instruction and learn from those who know more than we do. Her favorite advice she's ever gotten was "Fashion design is only half about talent. The other half is all hard work." And it's so true. Anyone who thinks the life of a designer is glamourous is highly mistaken. Yes it's fun if it's your passion, but it doesn't come easily. I found out that Stephanos, the patternmaker that was in on Tuesday, has worked with many amazing designers including Vivian Westwood, and is a genius in his profession. Xana told me to ask him lots of questions, but to be prepared to learn a lot because he's very picky. I'm going to bring in my portfolio and sketchbook so she and Julia can critique it, because I'm desperate for feedback on what I'm doing right or wrong.

When I told Xana I will be working for Zandra Rhodes in the fall, she was very excited for me. Apparently Zandra has a studio by the Fashion and Textiles museum, so I'm going to go by and see if I can find her. She helps out a lot of young designers, and I'm really happy to hear that.

At the end of the day, I went to the factory in Hackney yet again. This time it was a piece of cake, and I was in and out in no time. The way home was a different stories because of tube delays, I guess the police had to search a train in Leichster Square. Who knows why. But anyways, I'm glad it's the weekend now, time to have some fun at Itunes fest tonight :)

Internship Days 3,4 & 5

I've been too forgetful and tired to keep up with my journaling the past three days, because I've been working a lot. It's terrible getting behind, because I know that I forget so so much. But here goes.

Day 3:

Today I got to work and was sent straight back to the Polish workshop in Hackney. I knew enough to take the bus this time around, and it was a little less scary because I knew where I was going. This trip was to pick up patterns and extra fabric for 4 garments. It went quickly, and I was back not too long after. Back at the store, I traced patterns for the next few hours, and met the wonderful patternmaker Stephanos. He is from Greece and spent the hours talking about what it is like there. But the best part of the day was when he found out I'm from Vegas. He and Julia both freaked out and said that they had no idea people really lived there. Then I got a lot of weird questions such as "Do you have tacky taste?" and "How do you pay for your water at your house there?"

It was fun, and I got to see him make patterns and drape a skirt, so I learned some things, or at least reinforced some things I already know.

Day 4:

Julia had me open the store for the first time this morning, and I met her at the Euston tube stop to grab the keys for it. She had me cut out a black jersey skirt, then just hang out and mind the shop. I played about 100 games of Spider Solitaire and listened to the entire Arctic Monkeys discography, which was wonderful. When Julia got back, I was sent on an adventure to Liverpool Street to find a haberdashery called William Gee for zips. The buses are getting much easier to use now, which is good, because I've been taking them to a lot of places. After getting the zips there, I went to John Lewis to grab the colors I was missing, then to Rymans for tape. By the time I got back, I was so exhausted. Maybe it's being vegan, or just running around all day in hot weather, I'm not sure. But I will start eating vitamins again.

Day 5:

I opened the shop again today, and set to cutting out a ton of pieces for a dress. It took me almost an hour to get the grain and layout right, but I think it turned out very nicely. I also cut ruffles out of calico, and then ironed and put tags on some Julia Smith shirts. She gave me one, and I love it. I almost bought it online before I started working there actually, because it's organic cotton and made in a fair trade shop in Turkey. I asked Julia about where she gets her recycled fabrics, and she gave me a list of places she uses. Most of them are in the US, which is great for me.

Xana was in again today, she's the other designer that shares the studio space. What a sweet woman, I am so blessed to work with her and Julia. They are kind, thoughtful, and gracious, which is not what I was expecting in my line of work. I hear a lot of horror stories from other people in my class, so I am so happy to be where I am. Julia even made me coffee today and apologized for not having soy milk because she knows I'm vegan. I was so touched, it really made my day. I hope that if I am ever a boss, that I will be just like her.

Why'd you sing with me at all?

Today was pretty much the best day I've had in a while. It was one of those never ending crazy days when life just flows by in a series of wonderfully random events. Starting at 9, I went running with April to Regents park. We ran for an hour and a half exploring the areas around the zoo, running through large flocks of Canadian geese, and finding an outdoor theater where a Macbeth performance was taking place. We sun bathed by a fountain, and looked at the menu in the Queen Mary's Garden Cafe.

After a shower, I went with my roommate Allie and April to the grocery store to start my vegan diet off right. Raw granola bars and soy yogurt will be my best friends in the coming weeks. Then April and I set off on a bus adventure to find the Borough Market and Monmouth coffee company. This led to us walking around Big Ben and Parliment, then following the river Thames on the banks, picking up rocks, silverwear, and pieces of porcelain.

At the market, we tried the hottest chili in the world (unofficially) and got unique coffee at Monmouth. They have a unique brewing process that is a mix between french press and filter coffee. It's a great free trade and organic company, and I mixed in brown raw sugar because I can't drink milk in my coffee unless it's soy. It was strong and delicious, and got me through the rest of the crazy food market. It was unfortunate I had finished my grocery shopping earlier in the day, because the market was full of amazing produce.

On the way back, we walked over the millenium bridge, past St. Paul's cathedral, and got on a bus that got us extremely lost. We got to see half the city on the bus, and ended up right next to where I work. Thus I took April to see where Tony Blaire and Jimmy Choo live, and we walked to another bus stop near school. Finally getting home, I took a nap, then made some vegan goodies for dinner. I'm being careful to get all of my vitamins and minerals, and enough calories.

Around 10 April and I went to a club called the Westbury in Kilborn and met up with our friend Sebastian. It was a neat place, with upscale architecture and good music. We danced for a few hours, then got chips at the kebab place next door. And now I'm unwinding to some Damien Rice before going to bed.

Church at Westminister with my friend Ki tomorrow :) I'm so excited. And praise God for such a wonderful day. For legs that let me run and walk, run, and dance all night. For friends that watch out for me and will go on adventures with me. I'm very blessed.

Day 2

Today started out with a lot of rain. Waking up to the gloomy pouring sky is great, if you don't have a long commute of walking and public transportation to look forward to. The bus worked out better than I planned however, and I was forty minutes early. So I stopped for coffee and breakfast at a fun 2 story Pret on Oxford street. I usually don't eat in, but I had to escape the rain somehow. Unfortunately I had forgotten my book, so I just journaled for a while. When eleven finally rolled around, I picked up my pound sandwich and went to the store.

Julia sent me straight back out to find her a zipper, deposit a check, and mail another envelope. Thankfully I've had a few adventures finding the kind of zipper she wanted, so I knew where to go after the first store was sold out. I knew it would be, but hey, why not check. So a few stores and inside out umbrellas later, I got back to the shop with my wellies intact.

My tasks for the day included folding and organizing fabric, watching the shop with the other intern Dana, and once again modeling. Now I'm pretty small on the top half, so that works fine for their tiny garments. But my hips don't care much for size 0. Combine that with an already awkward dress, and three people you barely know tugging at the dress and completely hating it, and you get a slightly uncomfortable situation. But at least I can fully appreciate what I put my models through now during their fittings.

Julia is helping two people start their line, which turns out to be what the samples I picked up yesterday were for. They're quite crazy and intense personalities. I also met the sweet woman who shares the studio, she was very interested in the States. The only customer of the day was a woman in burka came in to look at a dress. The dress was skin tight nude material covered in magenta tulle strips, so basically glorified lingerie. Now I want to know what all the women walking around in burka are wearing underneath the complete cover of black.

Later in the day, I was asked to hand stitch the lining into a top, then to sew crazy black jewels onto the waistband. I tried so hard to make the stitches invisible, but it's hard with cotton thread on satin. We'll see if she redoes it... but hopefully it was good enough. Then I was free to go home, for a nice long 4 day weekend.

So far so good, though I'd love to work more than I do. Having days off are fun, especially now that I'm making a lot of plans with my friend April. We went to a vegan lounge to watch live music and eat vegan ice cream tonight. She's a really sweet girl, and it's nice to have a friend to hang out with after work and on the weekends. The next month should be fun, I'm going to try to see and do everything I can before I go back to the States... It seems so far away, yet so close. I'm not ready, but yet I am. I think I'm just used to being here now, so it feels like I am home in a way. There isn't much of me that can imagine what it will be like to not have this life anymore, and maybe never again. London is... amazing.

Internship Diary #1

I'm supposed to be keeping a journal of my internship every day that I have it, so I decided to put it here. This is half because it may be somewhat interesting to you, and half as a precaution in the event the inevitable hard drive crash occurs.

Today was my first day working as an intern for designer Julia Smith. She's a younger, really sweet woman with a fun asymmetrical haircut who makes way cool stuff. Her establishment is a small store with a workshop and office in the basement off of Connaught Street, just up from Hyde Park in London. It's a beautiful part of town. As soon as I got there, we established my schedule for the rest of my time, and she then put me to work. Job number one: take the tube to Manor House, find a Polish woman named Kasha in a gated industrial park, and pick up samples from her. Sounded easy enough, though I was warned that it was a rather.. shady part of town. But I figured it couldn't be that bad, so I took her lovely hand drawn map and set off on my way. I got to read my new book, The Last Empress by Anchee Min on the way, so the tube ride was fun.

Then I got off the tube, and realized I was in Hackney. Since I've been here, Hackney is pretty much the only part of London people have said is dangerous. And it was super dodgy, but so be it. When I hit the industrial center, then I started to pray a lot. It was full of rather creepy looking men, most of them foreign, who let me in, then pointed me into a maze of hallways in one of the buildings. I found the suite, and a woman who didn't speak english let me in to their workshop. It was a bright room, with three middle aged women on industrial sewing machines. Pictures of runway shows, bolts of fabrics, and block patterns were everywhere, and she motioned for me to wait for Kasha. Then I realized they had calendars of naked men all over, and were blasting Katy Perry's California Gurls. Bizarre situation, but interesting to see nonetheless. Eventually Kasha showed up, gave me the sample and the invoice, and I headed home. This time I took the bus back to the tube station so I wouldn't get all the weird kissing noises guys kept making on my walk there. Everything else went smoothly, and I made it back to Connaught Place in one piece.

Job number two: try on the samples that I just picked up and model them for Julia, because apparently I'm the size they were supposed to fit. It was a plain black tank top, black and silver cardigan wrap sweater, and a pink see through tank with crazy ruffles down the front. Now I know how all my models feel when I fit them.

Job number 3: follow the map to the post office and mail three packages, bring back extra stamps, and buy trash bags. Hey, nobody said this job was glamourous. And honestly there are far worse things than running errands, especially because Julia draws really good maps with really good directions. I was afraid she'd ask me to do a lot of obscure tasks with no direction of how to do it. Thankfully she's the opposite of that. After I mailed everything and brought back the other stuff, I was free to go home.

And that was day one. We'll see what tomorrow holds.

"You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.

This has been a good weekend, though a sad one saying goodbye to all my roommates. I'm excited that I got to know them and learn from them in so many ways. One of them, Kristen, has a grant from the University of Hawaii for research on natural plant dyes. Through than, she taught me how to make the dyes and how to test them on different fabrics. I'm aquiring so much amazing knowledge that I can't wait to put into practice when I get home.

I was excited before I came here about the people I knew would impact my life that I had yet to meet. And now that I've met a lot of them here, it's clear that each path that crosses changes you at least a little bit. What a blessing to make new friends, to share the gospel with people here in Camden, and to just learn about other people.

My internship starts tomorrow, and I'm a little bit nervous, but mostly excited. I'm going to really start working on design stuff in the next week, and I'm hoping to gain both inspiration and skills to kick that off. I'm really glad I'm here right now, I love it like another home. Praise God for His plan for my life. Even when it gets hard, I know He's here with me, seeing me through it all and growing me in ways I don't recognize yet.

Cheers!

Cheers apparently means thank you in Ireland. I learned that today from my Irish friend Porridck (pronounced Porrick.) Today was the official end of my classes here in London! I have been at school almost 12 hours every day apart from weekends the past three or four weeks, and I must say it was more work than I've had in a long long time. The lessons I learned were so good though! I am so blessed to have learned everything, and to have been taught by such wonderful teachers. So watch out world, when I get my sewing machine back, there's going to be some major craziness happening.

This past week or so has been hard spiritually, especially after all that God has been teaching me and showing me. I should have been more prepared for spiritual attacks now that I'm in the ministry I'm in here. Praise God that He has no limit on how many times He can and will pick me up after I fail, which is constantly. I'm trying to not live in my past failures, and to look forward to Him using me despite my shortcomings.

Tonight at Bible study, Pastor Tonye talked about how we are all vehicles (or double decker buses) leading people on a route to God. No bus is perfect, so are creaky or smelly, or just strange, but they can all lead to the right destination. The only ones that aren't good is one going to the wrong destination, or that aren't moving at all. Now that I'm moving again, things are starting to get hard. But that's okay, the joy of God overshadows it all. The sun still burns the shadows out :)

I'm so excited for free time! I'm going to the Tate Modern museum tomorrow, and to check out the Dover market. I can't wait to have time for general things like laundry and grocery shopping, and time for designing and sightseeing. All the stress was worth it because of how much I value my free time now.

What a silly moppet!

Well, today marks my four week stay in London. I am amazed at how much has happened and changed since then. I've gone from being lost constantly, being completely out of my element, feeling estranged, alone, and heartsick to... home. Which got me thinking, what is home? I think it's wherever God calls us. Thanks to Him, I found a family of believers who spend every day loving on people and taking the time to genuinely get to know them and bless them. I found purpose and thriving instead of just surviving. So here, thousands of miles from what I know to be home, I feel like I'm right where I am supposed to be. It hasn't been without pain and brokenness, but I thank God for everything He has broken within me that isn't good. And that's been a lot of stuff lately.

Culturally, I've been thinking about things I miss about home, and things I'll miss about London when I get back to the states. Here are a few

Things I miss about the states:

1. being able to eat in a food establishment without getting charged extra for sitting there to eat.

2. Target/Walmart. Which is bad, but it's true.

3. Not having to convert pounds to dollars in my head every time I buy something.

4. Bean and Cheese burritos

5. My friends and family

6. Watching movies

7. Being able to text people when I see something ridiculous that reminds me of them.

8. People driving on the right side of the road.

9. Being able to swipe my own credit card, and not having my signature analyzed every time I use it.

10. Understandable american accents.

Things I will miss about London:

1. Pret A Manger. and all other healthy fast food establishments.

2. Public transit/being able to walk almost anywhere.

3. Regents park

4. My missionary family and all the things God is doing here.

5. Fitting in with all the crazy looking people that live in Camden.

6. Ordering white Americano's.

7. Sainsburys tiramisu cups.

8. Hearing Florence and the Machine played everywhere I go.

9. Topshop, Argo's, John Lewis, and Shepherds Bush.

10. Being in a city so old and diverse that there is always something new to do.

Alone.

So I've been in London for almost two weeks now, and my feelings toward it are completely bipolar. I've felt lost and alone in a foreign country, homesick for my family and friends, and heartsick over broken relationships. But gradually my heart is starting to change, because I see now that God has brought me here to reset my broken bones and broken heart. It's just me and Him here, and God's ignited an insatiable hunger to be close to Him again. I fill my two hours of walking to school and back with sermons on my Ipod. I spend my hours doing homework with Christian radio stations playing. I actually get on my knees and lift everything in my heart up to God every night before I go to sleep. It's been almost three years since that has been a regular practice for me.

Several key things have come to light in the past week through reading the Word, hearing sermons, and insight from a fellow Christian.

Firstly, I was reading 1 and 2 Corinthians the other morning, and I was totally convicted about my life over the past few years. How I ignored God so long that He let me walk my own path of destruction. I became depraved and completely different from the person I was when I was walking with Him. I cried because of how sad I am that I walked away from the Lord, and have come to the realization that my pain and broken heart are signs that He loves me. He loved me so much that He completely broke me down, but even as I'm drowning in sorrow, God is rescuing me. He is refining my heart, and I know that my experiences have already been an encouragement to others. My mistakes weren't completely in vain.

Secondly, right after reading that, a good friend of mine said that God put it on his heart to share the following quote with me:

Often we are faced with a crisis, the standard, garden-variety answer is to sort of tuck your tail between your legs, run into a corner, and let the cobwebs form over you. But there is a better way. As long as you have breath in your lungs, you have a purpose for living. you have a reason to exist. No matter how bad that track record might have been, marked by disobedience and compromise through most of your life, you're alive, you're existing. and God says "there's a reason. And i'm willing to do creative things to put you back on your feet. You can lick you wounds if that's your choice. But there's a better way." it will take creativity, it will take determination, it will take constant eyes on The Lord. But when he pulls it off, its marvelous. -Chuck Swindoll

Now, what I got from that was that no matter how much I've messed up, God still has a purpose for me. This isn't the end, it's just the beginning. What a blessing and encouragement this was on that day.

The third thing, yet again along the same lines, is three sermons I've listened to between yesterday and today by Steele Croswhite. They were from 1 Peter, 1 Corinthians.. and I think Romans. But basically speaking even further into what it means to be a Christian without compromise, and on spiritual maturity. I got slapped in the face when he started talking about sin in the Christians life. Yes we're still saved, but it leads to death. Death of joy, death of purpose, death of the conscience. And I experienced all of those when I chose to walk my own path. I was miserable. And when we choose to walk that way, God will break our legs. Thus my brokenness, but now that I am broken, I'm praying God will heal me to be closer to Him.

Well I'm done ranting now, but I'm glad God drug me thousands of miles away from home now. It's starting to makes sense.

London Time

I’m here in London for my first full day. Sleeping was terrible because I kept waking up around the evening time to loud people, and feeling left out because I was sleeping. But I also knew that I just needed to sleep so I could reset my body to be functional again. I’ve been feeling very out of sorts and homesick. When I got here yesterday, I had a bad experience on the tube because I was lost and dragging so much luggage around. But now that I’m rested I think it will be a lot easier to get adjusted. My roommates are very sweet, and so are all the other people. Some seem kind of like standoffish artsy people, but I’m sure they’re nice once you get to know them.

My flat was really hard to find, but it’s right next to the Royal Veterinary School, so there is a horse and a cow right next to us. I live in Camden, which was home to the bohemian artists and writers back in the day. The streets are incredibly confusing, but we took a walking tour of the neighborhood yesterday and I feel better. There are a few really neat grocery stores nearby, so that made it feel a bit more like home. It’s really expensive, but I’m thinking it will even out once I buy the basic things like salt and olive oil. We have a a full kitchen, but no oven… That’s a bit of a bummer, but stove cooking it is!

Let’s see.. the toilets are different, everyone uses pubs as points of reference, and the biggest pub in London is just down the street. So is Koko’s nightclub where Dana made me promise to go. I’m getting used to the money too. There’s a 99 pence store nearby I’m going to go visit today to get basic stuff. Everyone drives on the wrong side of the road, and everyone is in a huge hurry. I thought American’s were focused on getting things done, but it’s ridiculous here. Maybe it’s because everyone walks everywhere, they have to be efficient.

Today is the walking tour of all the major sightseeing places here, so I’m hoping to take a lot of great pictures. It took me more time to figure out how to work the shower than it actually took to shower, and my outlet started smoking this morning... I should probably work on that issue.

I drank my tea and ate my banana, so now it's time to go see the sights. Pictures to follow!

Love is..

So I know I'm home when I have really bad allergies, sore muscles from working out with the twins, and some poor backyard animal is captive in my little sisters room.

I think I get my random knowledge from my dad. Today he whipped the location of Liberace's old house, and where Sigfried and Roy live. We drove to both after our New Mexican dinner. The houses are gaudy and ridiculous, and look exactly like I'd imagine for Vegas show people.

Life always gets a bit hazy when I spend a lot of time in my house, so I'm trying to combat it with visiting lots of people and running all the errands I can think up. I'm a little mad because my room just filled up with cigarette smoke from my lovely sibling smoking outside my window. Yuck.

I found a new song I really like today from a band called A Rotterdam November. It's called Love Is, and is yet another reason I LOVE being able to listen to Christian radio when I'm home.

I'm not quite sure why life feels so surreal right now, but this weekend and next week should be quite wonderful. For pure family weekend my mom wants to go hiking at Red Rock, go to the Liberace museum, and watch the Blindside. Amongst other things. Next week I get to see my Jennie and Leslie, and Angels and Airwaves is coming with Say Anything, who I am SO stoked to see. Next Saturday I'm throwing myself a little going away party for a few reasons. One is to see all my close friends at once, and another is to try all the party platter dishes I've been itching to make...

I was thinking of starting a sort of food blog, because of how much cooking I've been doing. I made BBQ chicken pizza the other night that was pretty good for the first time. My vegetable pasta, bruschetta, and parmesan garlic corn all turned out really yummy. I don't know what I'll do when I'm just cooking for one again. Hopefully I'll find a group to cook for while I'm in London, meet some elderly neighbors or something.

My head feels like it's about to blow up from allergies, it's so terrible for the pollen sensitive here. So... lots of allergy meds and sleep for me :)

I've got the clap, now I'm giving it to you, hey!

Title courtesy of the Wiggles.

I have been home for a day and a half now, and I feel like I'm in a really good dream I don't want to ever end. I forgot how good it feels to be safe at home with my family, loved and cared for. How much I love the warm weather and the hot breeze, and my amazing friends. I've made total of 7 new recipes so far, and tonights pasta, bruschetta, and parmesan corn on the cob was super amazing. I think I'll be making it again soon for sure.

Vegas is great. It's hot and dry, and someone thought it would be a good idea to paint all the rocks at the side of the beltway an ugly lime green. Which is hilarious, because it just looks worse, not better. But the desert has a unique beauty that I love. My window is open now, and even though the horses next door are kicking their feed bins, the air feels so good.

Kelly and Kristin came over for dinner tonight, and we cooked, shared a bottle of wine, and visited with my family. I can't describe the feeling of bliss that stems from having such close friends that have known you for so long. I miss sharing the whole summer with them, and having time to plan hikes and camping trips with them. But we're making the most of the time we have now, and we have our whole lives ahead of us still.

I'm excited to see some of my other friends as well, and it's crazy how life is taking unexpected twists and turns. People are getting engaged, falling in love, moving, staying, and more.

Working out is so much fun here because I have people to workout with and to motivate me. Kelly and I did an Insanity workout today, and I'm super sore already. Tomorrow is going to suck. But pushing through pain working out is what brought us all so close together, so it's just fun anyways. I love it. Praise God for all the good in life, and the bad. Because even in the best times there is pain and hardship, but joy overshadows it on days like today.

Runaway

if you ran to the end of the earth
i would catch you and you would be safe
if you fell down the well
i would bring you a rope and take all the pain

all the pain, all the pain
that you hide from me everyday

if youre missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
because I find myself in you

if i woke up alone i won't stop till i'll find you and you are with me
cause by now, i know you better than you know yourself
and i know what you really need
what you need, or i need
but either way this is where you should be
here with me, or ill bleed so much that you wont believe

if you're missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
because I find myself in you

you better not, you better not run
you better not, you better not run

if you're missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
i will find you
i will find you
i will find you

I'd rather change my view than dedicate this rhyme to you

Well this has been an interesting couple of days. Friday I finished my visa application.. mostly. I was proud of what I did get accomplished on it. Then Jaime and I ended up having an insane night. It went something like this: Random art festiva

l at NTC, with little kids playing in the big water fountain in their underwear (yes, my children will be allowed to do that.), getting scared by a biker downtown but finding an amazing parking spot, Urban, chocolate decadence and people watching, and drunk girls knocking trashcans off the wall in the Gheradelli bathroom. Then on to tortillas, the Whistlestop to watch a punk girl band and a greaser country band, meeting a guy from Azusa and other really random people, leaving and seeing a homeless man do something really disturbing, and finally.. Robot Chicken and a really awful old horror movie about a swamp monster. So good.

Chocolate is a great restaurant to eat at downt

own if you want dessert or breakfast. Super cute and the waitresses are really nice.

Saturday we had pancakes at Meg Maples house in Hillcrest, which is pretty much the most amazing area. The four of us walked to Peets, got some compliments from gay couples at Mo’s restaurant, and then attempted to hit the American Apparel rumm

age sale in the Gaslamp. Didn’t happen. Went to People’s Food in OB (where I would be happy working until my dying day) and then finished my art final project.

Young Life open mic night was incredible, and so is Paris Je t’aime. As foreign movies go, it’s on of the top on my list.

Sunday funday someone had put bubbles in the fountain at Liberty Station, and they were flying all over the place. It was gorgeous, and that moment should have lasted forever. There’s something about bubbles that make you feel like a kid again. Then we got ice cream at the place across from Rebecca’s in South Park, too rich for me. I love my girls, we had a great mothers day as non-mothers calling our moms and grandmas. I am SO blessed to have such an amazing mother who inspires me all the time.

I ran to the graveyard by Cabrillo and back. It feels so good to be getting back into shape. I always forget how much I love to run when I get out of the habit for a while. But there’s a race in October to train for now, I’m stoked.

Anyways. Fun last weekend in San Diego for a while. Three whole months away, crazy.

There's a drumming noise inside my head that starts when you're around

I am IN LOVE with the drumming song by Florence + The Machine. You haven't lived until you've heard that song at least a dozen times, preferably with good bass.

Today I hit a crisis point in life, questioning so many things. Who I am, what I stand for, where I belong, who my friends are, and the choices I make. None of it made any sense today, and I just wanted to go home. The place I call home changes a lot.. but today home was Las Vegas, with my family and friends that know me better than anyone. San Diego doesn't feel like home right now, and Utah is out of the running too. My own skin doesn't feel like home either. I'm thinking it's just transition blues getting me down, that and wondering where the past three years has gotten me. It's been a wearying three years, and part of me just wants to quit. It will all work out though. It always does.

I also can't figure out why I feel like relationships go in cycles of good to bad, then back to good again. It can't be healthy to be so unstable. But where is the line between loving and hanging in there, and walking away because it's not good? I can't seem to find it, so maybe there isn't one. Maybe it's just gray. I hate gray. Black and white is so much easier to deal with, my brain longs to be sure of things. My heart does too.

Well, classes are over officially, and I feel so free. It hasn't really set in yet, but the time has almost come to say goodbye to living on campus, being an RA, and to Cali for a few months. Just finals to fight now... and the remainder of my visa application. I promise myself that tomorrow I WILL be completely done with the stupid thing, so I can just go to the shady immigration office, get my fingerprints taken, and mail it all in. The day that envelope falls into that lovely blue postal service box will be a glorious one. Hopefully next Tuesday.

Sleep time.

but it's wild in the wild, wild west

I discovered another new favorite movie last night in the form of Judy Garland's The Harvey Girls. Old films are always great, so thanks AMC for showing me yet another classic.

Yesterday was an uplifting day because I ran a solid 4 and half miles and talked to my two closest friends from home. They always know how to cheer me up and make me feel like myself again, not to mention I get to go home and see them in less than two weeks. SO excited :) It will be so good to be with family and friends again.

I'm in a weird hair style spot right now. I need to re-dye my roots and somehow get it trimmed so it can be a good faux-hawk again. I might let it grow back out after I get home from Europe. Also not quite sure if my straightener will work with the outlets abroad... I'll be sad if an adaptor fries my bling Chi. It's been a good friend these past four years.

I heard a great quote from momma Donna the other day, I wanted to share. It goes something like this.... "Girls have become tofu. They take on the flavor of whatever guy they're with. What the world needs is girls like chili powder, spicing up and changing the lives of those they come in contact with." I love that. You rock momma D.

Saturday night I went to a club called The Loft to see my friend Becky's band Los Flores Hombres open for Civil Twilight at SDSU. It was a great venue, and the lead singer of Civil Twilight had an eerie resemblance to Robert Pattinson and the bad guy from Gossip Girl. But man could he hit a falsetto. Good times.

It's 28 days and counting until London, and I got a crossbody purse for the occasion. Check to one more thing on my to-do list before I go. I'm going to have to walk around the block with all my luggage to make sure I can handle it.... which will look almost as goofy and the guy that practices deep sea fishing tosses at the side of our road.

And to end, I saw the most amazing thing on Sunday. A little old lady, probably between 80 and 90, was practicing tee ball all by herself on Kellog beach. It was the most adorable thing ever. I want to be her in 60 years.

Oh, cuss.

I am so ready for this year to be over. I don't know if it's the impending end of this chapter of my life, or just exhaustion over my never ending to-do list. I just want to be home already. After stressing over all the unknowns in life, I've come to be at a place of peace knowing it will all work out somehow. Life is an adventure, and unknowns make it fun. Or at least that's what I keep reminding myself. Two and a half weeks from now, I will take of the many hats I've worn for the past two years, and move out of the place I've called home for the past three for the last time. It's strange, a bit scary, but freeing all the same.

I really want to plant a garden. Too bad Vegas is a suffocatingly dry desert that kills all living plants besides palm trees and grass. I think my soul is unsettled being away from my roots for too long. I want to visit my grandparents at their wonderful farm where I spent my childhood. Everything is so simple and more than half of the good things in life happen outside. Hopefully a trip is in order before too long.

It's funny to see how bits and pieces of personality from my relatives is coming out in mine. I have my grandma's fiery spirit, artistic flair, and love of flowers. Which is cool because she is amazing.

Anyways, I want summer hot heat now! No more wet, cold, 60 degree coastal weather. I want my desert.

make me a beast half as brave, i'd be the same

It's a super lazy Saturday morning, and I've been meaning to write a lot more often because I always think of random things to write about. I'm reading The House of the Spirits by Isabelle Allende again, one of my favorite books of all times. In it, a character named Clara lives her life halfway between the present and another realm, keeping track of everything she sees and thinks in her journals that bear witness to life. I love this because I identify with writing down the important and the strange to aid my memory that often fails me. Lives are amazing stories to be read. And if my days don't reflect anything worth writing down, I'm not living life to the potential I want.

Life is a strange mix of certain and uncertain right now. I have a plane ticket to London that keeps me there for 10 weeks, but I'm still applying for my visa so I can work the last five I'm there. I thought we had a place to live figured out for sure for next semester, but now that is up in the air again. I thought I had the internship in the fall for sure, but now I'm having a tricky time getting scheduled for an interview. I'm not really worried, it more annoyance at not having some pretty important things figured out, and running out of time to do it in.

My favorite song right now is Jezebel by Iron and Wine. Partly because I have a morbid interest in gory Bible stories, and partly because it's just an amazing song. The past few weeks I've discovered that I have somehow become privy to a piece of the local music scene here in San Diego. I've been to several shows in the past week for some phenomenal musicians, and it's a blessing to know them as people. Music makes the world go round, and I even did my block print for art class on the subject. Which may lead to fabric printing.... we will see.

I went out and bought a recipe box and cards the other day, and some other random kitchen things for our non-existent apartment. I love making up recipes, so I figured it was time to write them down. I also have a bunch of random paper scraps and notebook scribbles with recipes I've found throughout the past few years that need transfered to official and decipherable cards.

This morning I read part of 2 Corinthians 12, and I love the part about Paul having a thorn in his flesh. God tells him "My grace is sufficient enough for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Paul doesn't complain about this, he just takes it as it comes "taking pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake." Why? "Because when I am weak, then I am strong." I pray for an attitude like that. I'm convicted so often about the sour attitude I get about things that don't even matter. I want to keep my head in the clouds and focused on Christ when life deals me things I don't like.

That's.. all for now.

Leaning Tower of Piza Tree

So I was sitting at a music show last night, and this tree was right outside the chapel window. It's a massive tree, leaning precariously to the side, right over a house. Now I'm not a rocket scientist, nor am I a horticulturist, but I don't think this is a good thing.

The music show was three hours long. And I thought about this for a good chunk of it. Thus, deciding to write this blog.

Birthday Madness

This past weekend was filled with wonderful birthday celebrations. First off was the lovely Meaghan Maples, whom I admire and adore. Jaime and I made her a sweet birthday present, made with paper flowers and a dollar thrift store mug. Her family and friends are the most talented group of people I've ever met. Hearing them all perform was such a blessing.

Then the next day we had an all American beach Barbeque for Willi, the coolest German member of our small group. It was cloudy, and a seagull got a burger right off the grill, but we had a great time. I am so blessed by all the people in our group, and it's been fun getting to know them better by spending time

doing random things like this. We tried to all dress in red, white, and blue, so if felt like the fourth of july all over again. But more fun. And with more butchered German. (Willi is in the middle of the right hand picture)

Today completed day number one of this weeks craziness. I almost started crying while I was eating my broccoli at lunch today because I hit the part in The Kite Runner where Baba dies. So sad. I also decided that my new favorite weather might possibly be a windy, very sunny day right after heavy downpouring rain. It was magical.

Now I already have two stress knots in my shoulders, but I'm trying to stay organized so this week goes smoothly. Beach camping in only a few days, I can't wait!!!!

Just before the rain came down, the sun came out at last

I love hearing songs that relate to life. Because sometimes my life is like trying to do pull ups. I can hang there all day long, but when I try to lift myself up, the strength to do so just doesn't exist. But I went ahead and ran my normal running loop, now I feel a bit better. The runner in me is energized by working out, which really doesn't make sense at all. And I can barely lift my arms because of surfing in a rip tide yesterday.

This next week is jammed with amazing things to do and amazing people to see. SCAD is just around the corner, two of my dear friends have birthday parties this weekend, and half of the awesome people in Utah are coming down for next weekend. I'm trying my best to get excited about all of it, but I've just been wanting to sleep non-stop. Perhaps because I went almost a whole week without sleep, or maybe some other reason entirely.

I still know God is good, and that He will see me through this. And, I have had several ironic coincidences in life that prove God's presence in my life. One was checking out two completely unrelated books at the library, and having a quote from one author be on the cover of the other without noticing. The other is listening to Andrew Bird. Only God could create a man who can whistle like that.

And just past your lips there's more anger than laughter

I love airports. I'm sitting in the San Diego one right now, and I love it. It's very similar to the one in Salt Lake. I also love Albuquerque's and Boise's. Maybe it's because each major airport tries it's best to combine everything local into one big welcoming place. Or because there's great art all over. Or maybe because my dad, uncle, and grandpa are all pilots.

It's been a year to the day since I flew out of this airport, to the same place. But so much has changed in that year. I'm going to do completely different things, and to see different people. It's so strange to think how much can change in a year. I promised myself quite some time ago that I'd never go back, but fate has an interesting way of changing the heart's plans. I left a large part of myself up there, so I feel drawn back to it. I'm just as excited for this trip as I was for the last one. I woke up with butterflies, and to some really funny texts from Chi. I've decided just to focus on the good memories, and the good things about the 801. Amazing people, natural beauty, and all the random fun to be had in mormontown.

It's also fitting to be there to help Chi pack up her house to leave Provo, because just four short years ago I was helping her move in to her BYU apartment. We were crazy high school kids with no cares and insane tendencies, and we pulled into town partially clothed in an overpacked car with a fish in a burger king cup. Now Chi is married and responsible, and I'm almost done with college. How time flies. Hopefully we'll relive some of those times this week, because I really miss them.

The plane just pulled up to the gate. I hope the weather holds, it's been rainy today. And I want one of those zippy little tarmac carts, like the one in Toy Story 2. They look like a lot of fun.

Why? Because why not?

I got two whole pieces of mail today. Granted one was from my mother, but it still made me smile. I love getting snail mail.

There have been random outbursts by the local seagulls today, probably because they're frolicking around in the beautiful weather while I am AGAIN stuck inside at work.

On the bright side, Provo tomorrow! I still have to pack, and somehow fit everything I need in a carry on bag. My overpacking issues are ridiculous, but I made a list to make sure I don't pack too much extra. I can't wait to see Chynee, Zombie, and Eveetaco!! whoooo!!! And everyone else too.

I think I'm going to go out in the sun and take some random pictures now.

Hearts don't break even

Stressed insightfulness filled today.

I swam in the mass of humanity that was Ocean Beach today. So many people with so little sun protection. Tanning is such a strange phenomenon. But how neat is it that we can turn colors? As kids, we loved magic markers and anything that would instantly change colors. Maybe this grown up penchant for gradually browning skin stems from that.

At the beach, I picked up a book my friend Dana had in her bag called Lady in Waiting. It's about being a single woman and waiting for God's best (man that is.) After flipping a few pages, I fell on one called A Lady of Conviction. It was about making choices to stand strong in your convictions about the characteristics a man should have. Then followed a long list of the traits of a godly man, which seems difficult to find. However in hindsight, after dating several boys who did not have many of these traits, I have been left wishing with all my heart I'd been a lady of conviction. I hope I am now, or am at least growing into one. It's hard not to fall into the trap of thinking I don't deserve a godly man because of my past. This "not good enough" tendency can't be true, because I know God wants me to to marry someone living for Him, and also that He will work everything that has happened out for good somehow.

I'm not sure why it all seems so hard, shouldn't we be excited waiting for that person God wants us to be with? I know so many girls filled with impatience and malcontent because they fear they won't find that person. But what I've learned is I'd rather be single forever than to be with someone less than God's best for me.